Thursday, April 15, 2010

How are you??

What do you say when someone asks "How are you?" Do you tell them the truth? Really? If you're like me, then you probably politely say "I'm great - thanks" even when you've had the most terrible day. Well today I am having a terrible day. I even allowed my emotions to get a hold of me, had a tough time getting them back in line. It is "one of THOSE days". It's been a LONG time since I have been on my blog. In fact my blog is two years old! HELLO?? Where did two years go? Geesh! OK enough about that. I decided today that I'm going to use this blog to chronicle my life and the challenges and changes that are in store for me and my girls. Today was one of those days, and I've decided to do something about it. I'm making a change...hold on! :)

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Just another Tuesday!

So here I sit, "working" with several things heavily on my mind. I've had a difficult time trying to define the purpose of starting this blog. I've spent over a month since my "first" official blog trying to figure out what the heck it is that I'm going to blog about. Today it hit me! I don't have to have a purpose, or a defined reason or topic to blog about - I can blog about what ever I want!

The last 32 years of my life have been about learning about other people, and I need to learn who I "really" am. Aside from my kids, and trying to be the best mommy AND best wife to my husband - WHO AM I?

Who am I? Today I'm emotional!

I was going through some old files and I came across a picture of my childhood home. I was raised by a single hard working mom, she sacrificed so much, working 12 hour days, commuting 2 hours each way so she could make a little more money. Seemed that some days we rarely saw her. BUT somehow she was ALWAYS there for us. Her goals were to create stability for my brother and I in a nice house with a big yard in the suburbs where she lived in for over 20 years. Finding this picture made my miss my mom. Really miss her. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, remember her funny sayings, see something that reminds me of her. Sometimes I even say something, or do something that is her coming through me. BUT today, I just broke down and cried - sobbed more like it. I clearly envision the day she died, almost three years ago. I realized since that day, I AM a different person. While the appearance on the outside is the same, inside I have fallen apart. I lost my best friend that day, so many things left unsaid or undone - I always thought I'd have more "TIME". What is time? There's never enough of it, where does it go? That house holds so many wonderful heart filling times. Funny how when you are "living" day to day - the time passes and it isn't until you look back that you realize that memories were made that day. She gave me so many memories. Good memories. Again she was my best friend!! I've know that I changed the day she died, but today it became very clear to me.

Why this is a totally random post, part of who I am, is who my mom was. She was loving, caring, nurturing and shy. Like me, I think she always felt like she was a fly on the wall and no one really cared that she was here on earth. I feel invisible often, partly due to my shyness...of which I've tried to "break out" of. Once I'd asked her what her greatest accomplishment was in life, she told me it was me, raising her daughter. I want that to be one of my greatest accomplishments too...but I've decided to dream bigger, and part of that is finding out "Who I am".

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Why Not??

I've been following blog sites for quite some time. Most everyday I find myself looking forward to reading the posts; so many have inspired me more than I ever thought. Having said this, I've thought many times "why not start a blog myself? What would I blog about?". Truthfully no one will probably read my blog, but it will give me an opportunity to channel some of my thoughts and feelings into words and BOY do I have thoughts and feelings to share. Maybe a few opinions also! lol So here as I start with post #1, I find myself wondering where to start...I guess I'll save that for post #2. Until then, I'll leave you with thing I've been inspired by in reading blogs is that I 've become a better wife and mother. Not that I was a bad one before, but I see so many people going through to many tough things in their lives, and I have learned to appreciate all the great and wonderful things I have in my life. I'm thankful for the, love, sweet smiles and carefree giggles of my children.